Still

Previously, on The Foggiest Idea:

• I got a job. Nothing too glamorous, but with a prestigious institution--and it paid my bills.
• Then... that job ended. The contract was only for six months. But they hired me back as a temp, so more bills were paid.
• A week later, I got another job, in another division of that institution. I've been there a couple of months.

Fascinating, I know! But all that's to say: things have been in flux. Mostly in a good way, but still, it was often stressful. Not knowing from week to week if I'd have any income. Switching health insurance plans every few months. Learning three new office environments. Trying to remember dozens of new names. Attempting to wrap up my graduate degree.

It's starting to settle down, now that I know I'll be in a stable situation. And in many ways, it's an enviable position: good benefits, nice surroundings, friendly colleagues, a lauded establishment. And it's in academia, so it's sort of in my field, broadly. It won't look like a total blip on my resume.

Still. There's always a "still," if not a "but" or a "notwithstanding." Still, this is not where I anticipated being, when I graduated college more than five (!) years ago. I know this is becoming the catchphrase of my generation: this is not what we were promised.

I don't want to complain. My rent is paid; my retirement accounts are set up. I can take my gentleman caller out to dinner without sweating the bill. We took a two-week vacation overseas. Finally, for the first time since freshman year of college, I am sleeping through the night without anxiety dreams on a consistent basis.

Still. Most other hires at my level are younger than me, some fresh out of school. I'm still young, but I'm getting to the age where my peers are throwing around titles like "project manager" or "assistant director" or "esquire" or "coordinator" or "doctor." Mine a challenging job in many respects--again, usually in a good way--but it's decidedly a position for someone who's starting out, whose career is just beginning.

Okay, that's not entirely true. There are some people who've been here, in this role, for decades. Largely middle-aged women who appreciate the stability and respectability. One of my colleagues has been working this job for almost fifty years, without the desire for promotion (to my knowledge). That's not a reflection of her abilities or drive; it's a great gig for someone with her particular needs, and she's accrued so much vacation time, it's unreal.

And I know of at least one recent hire who has a PhD. From this very institution. She must be loving that.

Still. On balance, things are good. It's a comfortable set-up. And it'll afford me some necessary breathing room, while I sit still and figure out the next step.